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Saturday, January 16, 2016

The Devil Wears Kate Madison

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity" -- Charles Dickens, A tale of two cities

Smokefree days: 497 days
Cigarettes NOT smoked: 14910
Total savings: $13,369.30

At work I've been out  since September - October last year as far as the 5 of us in this country are concerned. Since mid last week I've been out to the whole building and since returning from holiday on Monday I've been in the office as Julia. By Wednesday it was obviously not going to work unless the people overseas I deal directly with are advised. Fine, I'll send them an email. Discussed  this with management and I'll send a personal email out Monday coming.

Sunday I have an "Open slot" at a pro comedy gig, my first time up on a pro night. I should be practising my act, instead I'm drafting that email. OK, I genuinely have a second chance at a first impression, but ... timing.

Finally, the major part of the transition is that I'm presenting in my place of employment as female, including the shared areas of the building and not just our small office. This includes the toilet facilities and this has been the most difficult for me as I've been totally stressed out about it. Yes, I know it's silly that I can stand up on stage wearing a mini-skirt in front of 150 people and talk about the funny bits of transitioning yet be terrified of using the ladies room in a secure office building but there it is. Partially it's because I know I've been dragging my stilettos on it in places like the Classic where I've felt more comfortable standing at the urinal in a mini-skirt than entering the woman space. Not to mention wanting to avoid queues, but that's taking the bad with the good.

To be fair each day has been easier and the other people in the office have been supportive. I have to walk past the men's to get to the ladies and a few times especially early in the week I serious considered chickening out. That and a kind of faux nostalgia for avoiding pools of past misses on the floor. Had we not had everyone in the building alerted I might well have done so.

With all the stress, the Nicotine Demon "Nicodemon" shaved her beard off, put on some lippy and stared back at me from the mirror saying things along the lines of "you need a few puffs to get through this" and "You needed a whole new wardrobe, I understand but you've got it now, come back. I forgive you", "just one packet to get through this week"

A few times I went for a walk outside to clear my head and Nicodemon was with me, but I told her to get away from me.  I've come too far and have too much ahead of me to go back to smoking. The stresses are already weakening and I feel I have got through another challenge.

Day 500 is coming up,.